The Man : Moses! What did I tell you about trying to destroy the world?

Me : Try and cut down?

(thanks to galmorzu at He-Man.Org for the image)

Simple Pleasures.

I really am an individual who prefers the simple pleasures in life. The sound of the can opener, sleeping on the air condiotiner, the screams as I slowly pull my teeth out of my Man's leg for locking me in the basement yesterday!

I don't care if you are trying to keep the house cool. I don't care if the light was off. You should have checked. And If I'm hiding you still should have found me before closing that door. Instead I'm left down there for twelve hours with just a litterbox and your studio. And you don't even have any interesting instruments down there! It's all electronic. The piano dosen't make any sounds when I jump on it, neither do the drums! AND THERE'S NOTHING TO EAT DOWN THERE!

You should feel bad for trying to starve me, and lock me away! And if you don't feel bad enough, I'll give you a hand there! There's a reason I'm eating my food so quickly. I sure hope you arn't too attached to the color of your carpet.

The Man hurt himself fixing up the house yesterday (trying to get it cool enough for the woman to be able to wait for the stork here). He apparently pulled muscles in his back and leg. That makes him pretty useless.

So with him out of comission, and the Woman still away, that brings us to the important question:

WHO'S GOING TO FEED ME?????

It's been raining here every day.

For five minuets a day.

Five minuets of rain dosen't cool anything down, it just makes things worse.

My favorite Saint Lucy pic.

My people think I'm agressive, but I never attacked like this.

No one leaps like Saint Lucy.

No, no I don't seem mad now. But just remember (as a certian member of the Tech Support Comedy Boards put it); Cats take a slightly different approach to express their displeasure with 'their people' being gone. Their twisted little minds direct them to ingest the nastiest substances and then re-gurgitate A) in shoes B) on beds, or C) exactly where you will put your bare feet first thing in the morning.

Spam

Something that I was thinking about after reading the Psychokitty's blog yesterday. Spam. If you have an email address, it's a reality. you can't get away from it. I realize that, and I accept it. But is it really so much to ask that you do a little market research? Send me ads for kitty treats or handsome Versace collars that I can order with my people's credit card.

Instead, this is what I get.
















This is just in poor taste. What would I do with a PSP? I don't have any opposable thumbs!!!

You spammers are not only tasteless, you're cruel.

Sick. Just sick

http://www.livenudecats.com/

Yes, it's exactly what the links says it is.

Sickos.

It's evil. I don't like it. Make it stop.

I don't know what this is but one showed up at my house. It dosen't make that much noise, but it moves. The head turns from side to side like it's looking for something.

I know what it's looking for.

It's looking for me.

I'm staying out of the living room for a while.

I got to be a scientist today!

My woman is still not feeling well but I got to make a scientific observation, just like Puff!

That's right, today I learned that applesauce looks exactly the same after you have eaten it as it did before you ate it.

Now it's time to go lay in front of the air conditioner.

Special Saturday update

I don't usually update on Saturdays but this is an exception. My woman's home! Yay!

But she dosen't seem to be feeling better. That makes me sad. That and getting sprayed by the water bottle on the landing of thestairs, just because I pounced on the Man's ankle when he was on his way up (a good watchguard has got to keep in pratice).

But mostly I'm sad about the woman. Mabey we'll cuddle today an watch the new Garfield video the man brought home.

And then I'll bite him for spraying me.

Where'd she go?

I'm gonna swat that stupid stork out of the sky if I see it. Apparently it chased my woman out of the house again. But "hospital" is diffrent than "camp" apparently. Not as fun they tell me. Worst of all it means that the man is feeding me again. It's not that I don't like the man, but he dosen't fill up my bowl as often as the woman does.

I don't get it. They've been waiting on this stork for 12 weeks, and now they are running away from it.

Look!

Ooh, look! I'm in Timmy's blog today!

Timothy's dream

I see you.

Hey! Stupid dog!

Yes Pepper, I'm talking to you. Try not to get too excited.

You realize I can see you from my seat here on the window sill. I can also see the hole you are digging in my yard.

Keep in mind, that it is my yard. As a result, it means that is my hole. And I can put whatever I wish in it.

Hmmmm.

Pepper, go fetch me Bibs.

Wet is bad. Dry is good. It's not rocket science.

Perhaps it's my fault. Perhaps I have confused my people (they're such simple minded creatures after all) by the fact that I like to sit in the bathroom window while they are in the shower. That's because it's cool in there. There's a curtin to shield me from the water, and if folks see you naked once in a while it serves you right! They see me naked most of the time.

This does not mean I like being wet. It does not mean I like water around me.

So to the man, if you drop a bottle of that strange green water (exactly what mountian do you go to get that stuff anyhow?) wait a few minuets before opening it. Specifically, wait until I am out of the room. Your "dew" not only tastes terrible when I am tryign to get it out of my fur, but I was feeling prickely for an hour afterwards. And I stuck to everything for a day after.

And to the woman, if you feel that lunch is not settling too well with you, please pick me up off of your lap and set me down on the ground gently rather than just shoving me off and reaching for your bucket. Oh and quick note; you didn't entirely get it all in the bucket. Ugh.

And what's wrong with the woman anyhow? Does she object to storks so strongly that it makes her ill?

When the Man and the Woman arrived at the Catsitter's, Lucy had been hiding for two days. She had sores on her bottom her toungue and on her tummy. The vet wasn't sure what was wrong. Possibly a new form of cat leporsey? New sores devloped in the hours that she was in the vet's office. They could do further testing, but nothing conclusive. The chances for survival were poor and if she did survive the process would be long, drawn out and painful. Nobody wanted that.

A small prick and Lucy went to sleep. She did not wake up again.

It's been over three years, and not a day goes by that we don't miss her. I'm the lucky one though. I can still smell her here. I can still hear the echo of her voice.

All my people have, are memories.

The Man and the Woman got Lucy shortly before they were married. When they moved in together after the wedding, Lucy took up residance with them.A year passed and the man and woman went on vacation; a trip to celebrate thier one year anniversary.

They wern't prepared for what was waiting for them back home.

Mentors

My Man and I were watching Star Wars : The Empire Strikes Back last night. He says it's the best one of the movies, although I kind of like Retun of the Jedi myself. The Ewoks look like they'd be pretty tasty if I could catch one.

There's a scene where Luke sees his old mentor, and he's like a ghost.....

It's an eriee feeling.

You see, I'm not the first cat to own my people. There was one that came before me. Sometimes I can still smell her, on the furniture, near the litterbox, or by the food dishes. The Man keeps a shiny red spiked collar in the drawer by his bed. It smells like her.

Sometimes I hear her.

Her name was Lucy.



To be continued.

Ahhhhhhh. Air conditioning.......

Okay, so I knocked off a few books. I don't think you realize the importance of keeping out house safe from stray cats! Greymalkin was in the garage poking around. Probably gathering intelligence for Bibs. Well fine. This means war!

Anyone know where I can rent an army cheap?

Okay guys, enough is enough. Mabey it was cool at first, but you've been shooting off Firecrackers all night. I personally do not subscribe to the entire "Celebrate the independance of your country by destroying a small piece of it" theroy. Things are going to be real diffrent once I take over the world.

No wonder I have to sleep during the day.


In front of the air conditioner.

What the crap is going on??? First the sky goes and starts to blow up all diffrent colors. It's like thunder, but let me tell you...It's not thunder! Then for the rest of the night there's aftershocks. Little explosions going on all over the place!

The man took me aside and explaied to me that people are celebrating the day, hundreds of years ago when this place decided it would be it's own country. Follow it's own purpose and not be any elses servant. He said people make these little explosions to mimic what goes on in the sky (apparently the city makes the big booms. I wonder if they are responsible for the big thunder noises we have before it rains too?) and that it'll all settle down soon.

It better. It's cramped down here underneth the table.

Catnip

A Haiku by Moses.

Catnip, I love thee.
I feel like a kitten!
Uh-oh, smashed window....